I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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