Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize