Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Pappa wants mamma naked
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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