"it" just moved
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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