my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
