Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize