Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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