can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Enjoy the penises
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
