My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
