How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
