Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
