I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
