haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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