we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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