Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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