I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
