I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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