I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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