i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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