I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
