tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize