I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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