I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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