I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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