Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
stop calling my apartment porn island.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
