if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
