hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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