out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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