he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
