You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
