When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
