I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize
