whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
