I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
