A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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