Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
