I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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