You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize