Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
