I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize