i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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