We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
