I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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