Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
