After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
