I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize