dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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