she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you had me at cake vodka
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
