oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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