The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
