Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
