It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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