You really coming over, don't trick.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize