dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
