i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
