Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
