I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
