In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
