Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
