I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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