Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
