you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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