And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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