I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
