i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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