Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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