A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
