i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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