the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
