Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
