Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize