you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
