With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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