I need help removing her.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
