my mouth tastes like poor choices
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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