i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
