he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
