I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
