Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
