She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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