i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
