we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
