scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize