just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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