The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
