Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
