at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
